Utah Referee Case - Sports/Jobs Not Always the Answer for Delinquent Teens

I have spoken before about the fact that the two direct predictors of delinquent behavior are past offenses and associating with delinquent peers. In attempts to remove some of that peer influence, therapists and families often work to involve kids in prosocial activities, and they should. However, not all activities are created equal.

The recent case of the soccer referee in Utah who was killed when he was punched by a player reminded me of a caution I give to therapists and families. In the Utah case, there was a history of violence in the soccer league toward officials in the form of player violence and fan fury. In such situations, the soccer team and the fans may support violent behavior and negate the effort to remove the child from such an influence.

In other cases, it's very common for parents and therapists to push for a child to be employed, a seemingly good choice. However, there may be other kids employed at the same place who are also getting into trouble and use breaks at work as a time to use drugs.

I don't want to suggest that sports are bad or that employment is bad. I am suggesting that if your child has a history of getting into trouble, you may not want to accept at face value that the new activity is a step in the right direction. I have had clients say they wanted a job and found out that their friends all worked at the same place, and the manager sold drugs. Just as you should diligently assess your child's friends, you must also assess the new activity. Are the kids on the team violent or is that prevalent in the league? Who are the child's coworkers? What do they do on breaks or when they take out the trash at work? Each of these questions may require you to go and investiage, take names, ask about people, watch what's going on and make your assessment.

If you are trying to get a child involved in a prosocial activity; that's great. I only offer these words of caution so that your tremendous effort yields the result you want for you and your family.

Vandalism in Joshua Tree

I just read an editorial in the Press-Telegram in Long Beach, California about vandalism in Joshua Tree National Park. Vandalism is a seemingly senseless crime that can take any number of forms from completely destroying property to simply writing a name on something; no matter the extent, the property owner feels violated and is often faced with expensive and time-consuming repairs (if possible). In the case of Joshua Tree National Park, we are all the victims since the park is a national treasure for us all to visit.

Vandalism, like most crimes that juveniles commit, is often done in a group setting. If your child is involved in vandalism you should be concerned about what else they may be doing. Vandalism often comes with a package of other behaviors like substance use, stealing or any number of other problem behaviors.

If a child is committing such acts, a few things come to mind immediately. First, it tells us that they were probably spending time with people that promote property destruction. It also reveals that they were unsupervised at the time or were supervised by someone that isn't promoting responsible behavior. It is often the case that the vandals were not concerned about facing any type of punishment either because they did not think they would be caught or because they have learned to expect a response from their parents and/or law enforcement that they do not find very concerning.

It is not within your power as a parent to determine how the legal process will respond, but you can address your own response, which could help avoid legal consequences in the future. If you are in this situation, it is crucial for you to do some investigation of the peer relationship and set some limits on those. You must also figure out the gaps in supervision and develop a strategy to monitor those times. Finally, you must consider how you respond to an offense when you catch it. This sounds like a lot of work, and it is, but a child that's vandalizing property may be getting into more significant trouble, or danger, or at least be on that path.

If you are aware that your child has damaged property, address it now before the problems become larger and more serious. If you are concerned about your child's friends or where they spend time, you should address that as well; hopefully, before they become a vandal.

Permissive Parenting and Substance Abuse

Permissive Parenting and Substance Abuse

As described in the last entry detailing statistics about youth substance abuse, there is plenty of data to support the concerns about the drug use and the effects it has on the youth in our country and on our broader communities.  There are multiple influences on the behavior of children so we must be careful not to blame parents for a youth's behavior, but we must not ignore the fact that the parents have more ability to change the child's behavior than others. We should also consider that families have more desire to see a change in the behavior than the child or the child's peers. Consequently, it makes sense to consider how a parent can help address the concerns.

There are many influences that can contribute to juvenile substance abuse and many parenting styles that parents may exhibit that have their own strengths and weaknesses. One parenting style that we often associate with juvenile substance use does have support from research and that is permissive parenting. Permissive parenting has been associated with impulsive behavior and a child that may become difficult to control, especially in the face of disappointment. They may develop aggressive behavior and discover drugs and alcohol as they get older.

Permissive parents can be described as having high warmth in their relationship with their child combined with low control. The element of warmth in a parent-child relationship is obviously extremely important and should be a goal for families. When this warmth interferes in the enforcement of reasonable rules and expectations, parents run the risk of becoming overly permissive and exhibiting the elements of permissive parents. There are many points to consider to assess whether or not you may be a permissive parent, but a general guideline to consider is whether your plans to administer discipline are thwarted by concerns about the child being angry, guilt or concerns over the well-being of the child.

If you fall into this category, it will be important for you to address your own concerns if you are to promote a change in your child's behavior. It will be important to identify your specific thoughts and concerns and  to assess whether or not they are helpful in your goals for your child.